Very Weary

I saw a cockroach today.
I normally don’t see roaches in my home.
For unlike most of you
I actually like my house
and make every effort to clean it regularly.

So you can imagine the rising disgust within me
when I spotted that vile, hairy abomination
skittering about across my clean white tile floor.

I almost ralphed at the sight of it
zipping under the chairs and over the rug.
I grabbed a dumbell and chased it across the house.
It was fast,
But I was bigger
(not to mention more brutal)

I smashed it head on
with one end of the weight
again
and again
and again
and again
until the floor tiles cracked and splintered

I didn’t stop until I actually felt a cramp in my shoulder.
I dropped the dumbell and went upstairs.
Applying Salonpas to my joint I went about my business.

Only after hours did it occur to me
that I forgot to feed the fish.
So when I went down you can imagine my shock
when a ten foot beetle stood in front of me.

“So you like crushing bugs eh?” It said.
“Let’s see you take me on!” it howled.
As it lunged its hairy legs
I grabbed the dumbell once again
and smashed it atop the monsters head.

It was stunned but I didn’t let up.
I kept on hitting it until it fell down.
But still I didn’t stop.
I crushed it until its head was nothing but mulch.

I went outside and dragged the filthy carcass with me
and threw the disgusting wretch away.
I went inside again and was shocked once more to see
a troupe of ants, come to greet me.

By then I was very out of breathe
and didn’t have much strength
Fuck it, what the hell
I opened my arms as the ants swramed around to eat me.

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