Imbak para sa Marso, 2011

How would you do it?

Posted in Gulo ng buhay, Neurotics with tags , , on Marso 31, 2011 by Blue Dela Kanluran

Yesterday three Filipino drug mules were executed in China via lethal injection.

Normally, this kind of news would be border line boring for me coz no matter how you slice it they were guilty of the crimes they were accused.

But (I’m a little irritated to admit) the sight of crying relatives over the sight of the executed corpses after talking to them just hours prior got to me.

Which got me thinking. Which is really better? Knowing when you’ll be biting the big one like these three or go out in a ‘oh-shit-what-the-hell-never-saw-that-coming’ accident scenario.

To take it even further than that. How would you like to die. C’mon you all know it’s coming, might as well decide (or fantasize) the most ideal way to leave our rotting corpses for our relatives to do whatever with.

For all the people reading this blog (yes, all five of you) if it’s not too much trouble please comment below on how you would want to die.

I really want to know. You never know, I might be able to help some of you.

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The slow decline

Posted in Neurotics with tags , , on Marso 30, 2011 by Blue Dela Kanluran

Just got back from a recent trip to the Singapore and I am glad to report that though the city/country is still on the top echelons of the worlds most advanced countries (considering its miniscule size) there are signs that the Lion City is on a slow decline.

Famous for its overall cleanliness befitting tis status as a developed island state Singapore has captivated the romantic hope that even something as small as them can become an economic giant as well as lambasting the west’s claim that dictatorial rule is an absolute evil that should be stamped out at all cost.

Lee Kuan Yew held Singapore in an iron fisted rule during his stint as its Prime Minister using only Parliament as his stamp pad. Completely ingraining in his people severe discipline partly from fear and fine. Rubbing out inevitable conflict in its multi-racial peoples by forcing them to live next to each other and work together.

But now the discipline that made them legendary is waning as a new generation of Singaporeans are coming into the fold and are embracing Western ideas of freedom without accountability, consequence or responsibility. This could be partially blamed on the ease by which foreigners can infiltrate their society since they have no markers of race and their shortage on manpower. Older Singaporeans lament the lax situation their juniors are complaining about, reminiscing the times when the country was called the police state, handing heavy punishments for littering and spitting.

Now, the once pristine emerald lawns of their high rise compounds are spoiled with styrofoam cups and containers. Not as bad as it is here but if left unchecked it can quickly spiral into complete disregard for law. First it’s littering, then it’s loitering, snatching, gang violence, and genocide. Think I’m overacting? Cleanliness is the most obvious sign of the state of a nations culture. When people are in an environment of cleanliness they are more prone to act responsibly and civilly. Which is why people who are used to working and living like rats cannot be more than rats. Rats that are a drain on the economy, contributing nothing to society except they’re filth and noise demanding recognition for rolling in their own feces.

Mongrels in-fighting

Posted in Gulo ng buhay with tags , , , on Marso 20, 2011 by Blue Dela Kanluran

Fresh from their bout in the freezing Mongolia last week the Philippine Azkals are set to face Myanmar in their first qualifiers match tomorrow (or if you’re reading this on the 21st, today). Then after that Palestine on Wednesday and Bangladesh on Friday.

But before we start cheering and hoping for a win (or most likely a draw) we should first consider the grave problem facing the new big names of the Philippines sport circuit.

Before they even think about going up against bigger and better teams they should start fixing the rift between themselves.

What am I talking about?

The silent civil war between the Filipinos (which from here on will be known as p) and the Fil-whatevers (which from here on will be known as m).

It’s no secret (at least to me) that there is a certain amount of animosity between these two groups within the football team and the strain is starting to show making them weaker with every appearance and issue on the media.

The Azkals first came under the public eye when it upset Vietnam in the Suzuki Cup and rode that wave into their participation in the current AFC Challenge Cup. However, because of their success the spotlight shone on some, more than others particularly the two Youghusband brothers (probably because of their weird last names); garnering story after story in the local news as the Azkals gained recognition.

I could say that the duo deserve all the credit that they were due and I’d be half-right. They are definitely skilled but not break out stars. The point is, the attention they’re getting isn’t wholly because of their performance on the pitch but rather on the quality of their looks. I’d make a bet for anyone to deny this but I’d be waiting a hell of a long time.

The frustration this is causing can be primarily seen on another skilled player Emelio ‘Chieffy’ Caligdong who first displayed signs of this when he scored a goal in their match against Mongolia in Baguio. He gesticulated to the back of his jersey showing off his name as proof that he is a Filipino. (In a recent blog post covering the first match between the Azkals and Mongolia after Chieffy scored the first goal one of the bar patrons described in the story was wondering who scored and why he wasn’t known. “Kasi hindi gwapo“) was the answer to the second question, they all laughed and he was right.And again in an interview after reporting on Phil Younghusbands injury Chieffy said something along the lines of “Kakayanin namin yan. Alam mo naman tayong mga Pinoy hindi sumusuko” (I may be mis-reading but) the words seem to make an impression that he is drawing a distinct line between ‘p’ and ‘m’.

He’s good at hiding it but there’s definitely something going on, he’s a little pissed and I can’t say I blame the guy. He’s a fantastic booter that has scored more the country countless times before the upset in Vietnam, heck even back when the Suzuki Cup was known as the Tiger Cup. And not just him, there are other talented players making up the Philippine roster: Captain Aly Borromeo, Eduard Scapano (he may have let Mongolia score twice but the second on was a rebound), Yanti Barsales, Ian Araneta, Roel Gener, Mark Ferrer, and Anton Del Rosario among others.

To think that all these talented players exist and the spotlight to be cast on one or two players is bordering on disrespectful. Football is a team sport and they reap the glory as a team. I’m not saying the Youghhusbands don’t deserve the stuff they’re getting, I’m not saying that at all but the loss of one player (though he may be the biggest striking threat) does not automatically spell doom for the rest of the tourney.

After losing to Mongolia on the second leg naysayers (Angelica Panganiban fans) have flooded the comment boxes of yahoo stories that the Azkals should stick to getting their skill straight before letting their head get too big. Comments such as ‘masyadong pa-cute‘ and ‘mayabang‘ were found in great abundance.

I feel for these idiots and their loss of greater mental function, but this highlights (though quite dully) the problem in impartial recognition. The Azkals fought and are fighting as a team. It is incredibly stupid to give all praise to the strikers who score goals but to the people on the other end as well. Not because they’re ‘cute’, ‘gwapo‘ or ‘fafable‘, but because of their skill and performance on the pitch.

The only way to unite them is for them to feel that we (as fans) are united behind them, ALL OF THEM.

This article isn’t meant to cause wounds yet to be opened, it is meant to shed light on a problem before it becomes too serious to deal with.

And to all the fan girls just STFU and watch the damn game.

YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!!!

Posted in Gulo ng buhay with tags , , , on Marso 17, 2011 by Blue Dela Kanluran

1 part fail

1 part epic

5 parts Holy $^*#&%(@(

 

Food and Names

Posted in Neurotics with tags , , , , on Marso 17, 2011 by Blue Dela Kanluran

I found this in my inbox for some reason and I decided to post it here because it made me smile a little. During my meandering through books I’ve come across more than a few articles like these and a lot of them are pretty insightful. It’s amazing how outsiders can make the supposed normal funny and make the ones reading this go “Oo nga noh”. So here it is for your perusal (with a few comments of my own)

MATTER OF TASTE

By Matthew Sutherland

I have now been in this country for over six years, and consider myself in most respects well assimilated. However, there is one key step on the road to full assimilation, which I have yet to take, and that’s to eat BALUT (Of course). The day any of you sees me eating balut, please call immigration and ask them to issue me a Filipino passport. Because at that point there will be no turning back. BALUT, for those still blissfully ignorant non-Pinoys out there, is a fertilized duck egg. It is commonly sold with salt in a piece of newspaper, much like English fish and chips, by street vendors usually after dark, presumably so you can’t see how gross it is. Food dominates the life of the Filipino.

People here just love to eat. They eat at least eight times a day. These eight official meals are called, in order: breakfast, snacks, lunch, merienda, merienda ceyna, dinner, bedtime snacks and no-one-saw-me- take-that- cookie-from- the-fridge- so-it-doesn’ t-count.

The short gaps in between these mealtimes are spent eating Sky Flakes from the open packet that sits on every desktop. You’re never far from food in the Philippines .

If you doubt this, next time you’re driving home from work, try this game. See how long you can drive without seeing food and I don’t mean a distant restaurant, or a picture of food. I mean a man on the sidewalk frying fish balls, or a man walking through the traffic selling nuts or candy. I bet it’s less than one minute.

Here are some other things I’ve noticed about food in the Philippines : Firstly, a meal is not a meal without rice – even breakfast. In the UK , I could go a whole year without eating rice. Second, it’s impossible to drink without eating. A bottle of San Miguel just isn’t the same without gambas or beef tapa. Third, no one ventures more than two paces from their house without baon (food in small container) and a container of something cold to drink. You might as well ask a Filipino to leave home without his pants on. And lastly, where I come from, you eat with a knife and fork. Here, you eat with a spoon and fork. You try eating rice swimming in fish sauce with a knife. (eating with a knife?! what if you accidentally stab your throat?!)

One really nice thing about Filipino food culture is that people always ask you to SHARE their food. In my office, if you catch anyone attacking their baon, they will always go, “Sir! KAIN TAYO!” (“Let’s eat!”). This confused me, until I realized that they didn’t actually expect me to sit down and start munching on their boneless bangus. In fact, the polite response is something like, “No thanks, I just ate.” But the principle is sound – if you have food on your plate, you are expected to share it, however hungry you are, with those who may be even hungrier. I think that’s great! In fact, this is frequently even taken one step further. Many Filipinos use “Have you eaten yet?” (“KUMAIN KA NA?”) as a general greeting, irrespective of time of day or location.

Some foreigners think Filipino food is fairly dull compared to other Asian cuisines. Actually lots of it is very good: Spicy dishes like Bicol Express (strange, a dish named after a train); anything cooked with coconut milk; anything KINILAW; and anything ADOBO. And it’s hard to beat the sheer wanton, cholesterolic frenzy of a good old-fashioned LECHON de leche (roast pig) feast.. Dig a pit, light a fire, add 50 pounds of animal fat on a stick, and cook until crisp. Mmm, mmm… you can actually feel your arteries constricting with each successive mouthful. (eat your hearts out Peta)

I also share one key Pinoy trait — a sweet tooth. I am thus the only foreigner I know who does not complain about sweet bread, sweet burgers, sweet spaghetti, sweet banana ketchup, and so on. I am a man who likes to put jam on his pizza. Try it! (heck, put sugar on a rock and I’d eat it)

It’s the weird food you want to avoid. In addition to duck fetus in the half-shell, items to avoid in the Philippines include pig’s blood soup (DINUGUAN) (Oy, that’s my favorite); bull’s testicle soup, the strangely-named “SOUP NUMBER FIVE” (I dread to think what numbers one through four are); and the ubiquitous, stinky shrimp paste, BAGOONG, and it’s equally stinky sister, PATIS. Filipinos are so addicted to these latter items that they will even risk arrest or deportation trying to smuggle them into countries like Australia and the USA , which wisely ban the importation of items you can smell from more than 100 paces. (the stinky dishes he’s describing are the mild ones)

Then there’s the small matter of the purple ice cream. I have never been able to get my brain around eating purple food; the ubiquitous UBE leaves me cold (Purple is the new black (wait, is that a good thing?)). And lastly on the subject of weird food, beware: that KALDERETANG KAMBING (goat) could well be KALDERETANG ASO (dog)… The Filipino, of course, has a well-developed sense of food. Here’s a typical Pinoy food joke: “I’m on a seafood diet. “What’s a seafood diet?” “When I see food, I eat it!”

Filipinos also eat strange bits of animals — the feet, the head, the guts, etc., usually barbecued on a stick. These have been given witty names, like “ADIDAS” (chicken’s feet); “KURBATA” (either just chicken’s neck, or “neck and thigh” as in “neck-tie”); “WALKMAN” (pigs ears); “PAL” (chicken wings); “HELMET” (chicken head); “IUD” (chicken intestines), and BETAMAX” (video-cassette- like blocks of animal blood). Yum,yum. Bon appetit. (He forgot day-old)

WHEN I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since.

The first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has a nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom , we have nicknames in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to say, to lose them.

The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly cutesy for anyone over about five. Fifty-five-year- olds colleague put it.

Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never make it to adulthood (That’s probably not a bad idea). So, probably, would girls with names like Babes, Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech.. Here, however, no one bats an eyelid.

Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call “door-bell names”. These are nicknames that sound like -well, doorbells.

There are millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell-like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even our newly appointed chief of police has a doorbell name Ping . None of these doorbell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear.

Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called Bing, replied, “because my brother is called Bong”. Faultless logic (duh). Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where come from “dong” is a slang word for well; perhaps “talong” is the best Tagalog equivalent!! (He means dick if you didn’t get that)

Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning (He probably doesn’t have any cats). The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual one: Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the “squared” symbol, as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a while.

Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming their children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the same letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy. More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of assonance or rhyme, as in Biboy, Boboy, Buboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse the more kids there are-best to be born early or you could end up being a Baboy).

Even better, parents can create whole families of, say, desserts (Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil, Tulip). The main advantage of such combinations is that they look great painted across your trunk if you’re a cab driver. That’s another thing I’d never seen before coming to Manila –taxis with the driver’s kids’ names on the trunk.

Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the phenomenon of the “composite” name. This includes names like Jejomar (for Jesus, Joseph and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda (for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao , believe it or not). That’s a bit like me being called something like “Engscowani” (for England , Scotland , Wales and Northern Ireland ) (Actually, that name sounds perfectly Filipino to me). Between you and me, I’m glad I’m not.

And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly inserted letter ‘h’. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I have not yet figured out, but I think it is designed to give a touch of class to an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations like Jhun, Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy. Or how about Jhun-Jhun (Jhun2)?

How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination and exoticism rule the world of names. Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is the unbelievably named town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Olongapo and Angeles). Where else in the world could that really be true? Where else in the world could the head of the Church really be called Cardinal Sin? Where else but the Philippines ! Note: Philippines has a senator named Joker, and it is his legal name.

The Marikina (your) Fault Line

Posted in Gulo ng buhay with tags , , , , , on Marso 16, 2011 by Blue Dela Kanluran

As the world (by world I mean the Philippines) whips into a frenzy about the recent events concerning the island of Japan people have been barraging the news about earthquake and tsunami trivia. Most notable of which is the Marikina Fault Line.

It supposedly traverses through many parts of Metro Manila particularly Marikina, Quezon City, Pasig and Taguig. The fault line was featured last year when a 7.0 magnitude earthquake devastated Haiti.

It seems every time the Marikina Fault Line hits the news people are always taken aback and surprised that there is a potential place for tectonic activity in the heart of the Metro as if it was something new, even though it’s been there for more than two millenia.

But blissful ignorance and seasonal enlightenment are the least of our worries. What we should worry about are those two combined with fatalist mentalities.

In a recent report by GMA7 or ABS-CBN (I can’t remember which, even though they’re sworn enemies the differences are so small and few they might as well be twins) predictably featured the Marikina Fault Line and the preparedness of the citizens in the event of seismic activity.

One interview really got on my nerves. When asked by the reporter if she was ready if and when an earthquake occurred she just laughed and said she would hide under the table. When asked what else she just laughed some more and said she’s hide under the table.

Yes you have to take cover under something but earthquakes are complex tantrums of nature that can’t be predicted even with all the technology at the disposal of mankind. It’s more than a rumble and a shake and you need to do a hell of a lot more than hide under things. You can be caught in a plethora of different scenarios that don’t provide things to hide under, and if you don’t know what to do you might as well just stab yourself to get it over with.

What if you’re outside, or in a car, or got trapped under debris? What should you do? Well, if you’re the girl in the report, just stab yourself and get it over with.

Not to mention what to do when it’s all over (aftershocks included).

What if injuries happen?
Do you stay put or leave?
Where do you go?

And what really burns me is when she said “Eh kung oras ko na, oras ko na. Wala tayong magagawa, kalikasan yun eh

Gunggong! Anong walang magagawa?! Kaya nga may saftey measure kasi may magagwa, tanga! Ayaw mo lang alamin. At ano ‘tong kung oras ko na, oras ko na?! Gago! Walang oras oras, excuse lang yan kasi di mo alam dapat mong gawin para mabuhay ka!

It’s this fatalist attitude so prevalent in our culture that has propagated sloth in pursuing progress. No one decides your time but yourself. You don’t leave it up to anything or anyone else.

The entire concept of a set time for death is not only stupid it’s irresponsible. What if you have dependents like children or infirmed that still believe in living or haven’t experienced life the way they want to? Are you going to leave them behind because you’re too lazy to be bothered with keeping yourself alive?!

The instinct and drive to survive is the most important driving force that has propelled all known species to (duh) survive until this very second; and this fatalism is completely reversing that.

If you believe in set times you might as well stand in front of a train right now coz really, you’re mentally suicidal anyway.

When people ask where to place fault on your eventual death (natural disaster or otherwise) they won’t say Marikina, they’ll say you.

Not evil just stupid

Posted in Gulo ng buhay with tags , , , , on Marso 14, 2011 by Blue Dela Kanluran

My Facebook page is abuzz with this mofo that posted about the recent events in the Pacific island nation of Japan. Well…I’ll let him say it.

For those who can’t read the text:

Japan has two major religions, Shinto and Buddhism. Japanese are either beleivers of Shinto or Buddhism or both. They don’t believe in Jesus Christ as God and creator of the universe. The shoguns of Japan tortured San Lorenzo Ruiz into martyrdom, cremated his remains and scattered the ashes into the sea. Now the sea is getting back at Japan. For as long as Japan is not converted into Christianity, it will suffer earthquakes and tsunamis until it is wiped out of the face of the earth.

The worst of it is he has followers

I’m going to give some unsolicited advice here, unless that’s a sin as well and God will send a toucan to gouge my eyes out (in which case toucan ke-bob for dinner). You can’t be a troll and a priest (they say he’s a priest but his status says he’s married anyway, until further notice he’s a priest (AT UST!) Coz people listen to priests and take them seriously (though major events have suggested they don’t deserve much of the attention). At least most trolls don’t use their RL identities.

And WTF is he talking about the sea fighting back because ashes of Ruiz were spread there. A lot of people are doing that nowadays right? What’s the difference between then and now? Don’t believe me?

Sarah Connor:Terminator 3

That girl Ann Curtis played when she was paired with Sam Milby;

and a bunch of other stuff that in fact it became a sickening cliche among the dead. Martyrdom? I thought the Bible considers those guys heroes? Christians tortured and killed women they thought were witches. In fact, the japanese had more sense to torture Christians because witches don’t exist! (They’re called Wiccans now).

Besides if this were true that would God a big lying son of a bitch because he said he’d never destroy using a flood again, the rainbow proves it…Oh my God! Where’s the rainbow?! It disappeared!

Anyway, shame on you Edgar Siscar! I demand you watch the tapes on the news and say they deserved it because they weren’t Christian. (I hereby encourage everyone to troll this guys facebook, e-mail or whatever to the best of your capacity to see the dire error of his ways) I told you guys the Church sucked!